Someone hurt you. They did things behind your back or showered you in verbal abuse. Perhaps they treated you with disrespect and now you’re smarting from the injustice and unfairness of what had occurred. You’re upset and angry because of what had happened and your mind is filled with just how wrong it all is. Your day is ruined and the unhappiness continues into the next day and many days after that. You want them to repent, say they are sorry;  you want fairness and your peace of mind will be destroyed until this happens.  You simply cannot understand their behavior and you want the wrong to be righted – after all, it is only fair.

And then truth jolts you into a stunning realization – logic has fled the scene! It is nowhere to be found. If you’re lucky, you begin to see that you are trying to reason with a four year old in an adult body; if you’re not so fortunate, you are faced with someone who sulks like a teenager in puberty whose only line of defense is the silent treatment. Btw – The silent treatment is a dead give-away of an emotionally immature person.

What to do? The injustice still occurred and the unfairness is real. So here is something to contemplate: Fairness cannot be expected from the perpetrator of the injustice. If that was a real option, you would not be in the emotional turmoil you are experiencing. The perpetrator would acknowledge what they had done, you would come to an agreement and the matter would be resolved. That is what emotionally mature adults do and it is a powerful source of true learning and growth. Evolution and emotional maturity comes from acknowledging our mistakes and resolving it in such a way that everyone learns something and can go on with their lives. No amount of fretting over the issue will make you feel better. On the contrary, it will make you feel worse because you are expecting conscious behavior from someone who functions on quite an unconscious level. The source of your unhappiness is your insistence that they step up to the plate, own what they had done, and practice fairness. You might as well be crying for the moon.

Objectively, you cannot take responsibility for what others do or say. Your only responsibility is to manage your own feelings. Fairness cannot be expected from the perpetrator, demanding it puts you on the same level they are operating on. Fairness comes from you – towards yourself. If you have done everything within your power to bring justice into the situation, then take an even higher road. Walk away without anger or regret. Justice is being fair to yourself and not subjugating your happiness to the whims of an emotionally immature individual. You are responsible for your own choices. And so is everyone else.